Cincinnati Chili (not soup you barbarian)

From correspondence:

Cincinnati chili is not soup you barbarian. It's this amazingly flavorful chili, involving cinnamon! and chocolate! as ingredients! that's fine enough to function as a sort of spaghetti sauce, as in you serve it over actual spaghetti! And then it has fixings of course, you have a bowl of raw onion on the table and you have a bowl of shredded cheddar, and if you're a reasonable human being you pile both on top of the chili and that's called having a three-way, because Cincinnati chili appeals most deeply to our innocent guts, the parts of us that responded to the appalled/delighted wave of AwwwwwwwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! that crests through grade-school children in response to anything remotely romantic and/or risque. It was perfect [when I had some last night], it's always perfect. [Ouslandish-E] promises that if I kidnap her she will develop Stockholm syndrome and make it for me every day.

Once she made Cincinnati chili while we were on vacation and then the next morning I made the best hashbrowns I've ever made and we combined them, it was probably the best breakfast anyone ever had, it probably resounded backwards and forwards through my life and through the lives of those in a 10-mile radius, providing succor in times of distress, like invisible angels on thankless, unnoticed tasks, with chili in their wings and potatoes on their silent feet.

Misconceptions About Finger Chewing

It is widely assumed that one could not, should not, tear the flesh from one's fingers without 1) it hurting like hell, 2) it causing one to bleed all over the place, or 3) forcing one to rethink one's definition of cannibalism. This assumption is both short-sighted and incorrect.

When sufficiently stressed, the flesh of the fingers (especially winter fingers, all dry and crackly anyway) takes on a leathery consistency, not unlike that of a two-day-old zombie, or one of those poor humans in Ghosts of Mars who has been possessed by a sadomasochistic vapor. In this state, the flesh immediately surrounding the nail loses all feeling, making it easy (and satisfying!) to tear, and almost completely devoid of blood.*

Once you chew, you need not fear of lusting for other flesh (either your own or others'). Chewing one's fingers is more a question of maintenance (like pruning a plant!) and obsession (yay!) than one of fuel consumption. Some might argue that your actions are Donner-ish, but they forget one important distinction -- you do it by choice! Most likely, you will never be given the choice of eating other people, so you shouldn't worry your pretty little head about it -- at least while it's still attached to your body.

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* Not to be confused with hangnails. Those suck.